Where does one end and the other begin? Finding that balance between motherhood and self is crucial. Women generally take on most of the work when it comes to running a household and taking care of children. We take this job so seriously that sometimes it becomes all we know and DO. This isn’t necessarily a bad thing. However, being a mother does not mean you are not allowed to do anything outside of motherhood like hanging out with your friends WITHOUT your children, taking some “you” time, buying yourself something nice. Etc.

Spending time away from your children does not mean you love them any less. Just as how venting about the hard parts of motherhood does not make you any less of a good mom. It makes you human. Spending quality time with your children is great and being away from them for a while so you can recharge is also great and very much recommended. We all need some personal one on one time by ourselves from time to time and that is perfectly fine. Our children will not love us any less.

When I had my first child I used to struggle with the concept of alone time. I felt as though my child was judging me if I left her for too long. She went to daycare at 7:30 am and would get picked up at 4:30 pm. I told myself that is way too long and she would feel neglected. I would rush home from work every day to get her asap without taking a breather. I just felt like I had to prove to her I loved her. This went on for months. Then one day it hit me. My child never did feel neglected by being at daycare. She loved it because she was meeting her friends. I on the other hand was just burning myself out. I was creating these negative thoughts in my mind out of fear of being a bad parent and letting my child down.

The truth was I had a very stressful job. And being a single mom at the time meant I was the only one caring for my kid so naturally I felt like I had something to prove. Sometimes I did need a few minutes to get myself together before I grabbed her. But I never felt as though I earned or deserved that until one day my friend suggested it to me. She said to take an hour after work to just be. “If you want to sit under a tree or drink some tea that’s up to you but you NEED some time so you’ll be able to better cope.” At first, I thought she was crazy and she didn’t get it. But I was the one who didn’t get it. I didn’t get how hard moms are on themselves. How much guilt we carry around unnecessarily. Some may say we are wired that way and that might be true, but it doesn’t have to be like that.

We are not “bad moms” if we are not with our children 24/7. We are not bad moms for buying ourselves something we have wanted for a decade. We are not bad moms for having a hobby. For working to provide for our kids. We are not bad moms for not having the energy to go to the park all the time. No, we are humans and as long as we keep doing the best we can for the little humans we create, it is okay to think about ourselves too. Take an hour a day or more if you can. To spend time feeding our souls and doing something nice for ourselves and not our children. IT IS OKAY MAMA, you are still doing a terrific job!!!